Chapter 25 of the Holy Quran with English Translation

If You Ask Me... By Yusuf Islam

The Visiting President !! (Part 4)

When the date of the visit was due, anyone who had anything to do with politics looked with contempt at Dr.Fareed's constant hopping between the two Presidents as he played the roles of the translator and the jovial companion. They all pitied the man whom they knew will be thrown out of the government, the moment the visiting President leaves the country, because he bet all his money on the wrong President. He focused solely on the past that will eventually cease to exist and ignored the inevitable and upcoming future. During the side talks of political gossip, everyone wondered how this man, who was gifted with such wit, was not able to read the present correctly and, thus, make the right decisions. "That is typical of humans when they consider themselves invincible. He is, after all, a human. He can not win everything. Soon he will fall and the daggers will be pointed at him from every direction. He has forgotten that President Junior has a fatal sting ! He is heartless ! There will come a day when the country will miss the good old days when his father was alive. At least he had a sense of humour. Dr.Fareed will never know what hit him." Dr.Fareed was never hit. On the contrary, he reached the climax of his ascent on the very first day of the visit by that nostalgic tour he had prepared for the visiting President and his wife that filled the major country's citizens with joy when the pictures of the couple hugging each other on a Nile boat, led by Dr.Fareed himself, were published, in which Dr.Fareed was smiling not only out of his success in stabilizing the relationship between both countries, guaranteeing the greatest amount of financial aids to the country, silencing the ignorant voices of the opposition and the human rights organisations but also out of his miraculous success in pumping a seemingly-impossible love back into the hearts of the old couple. The removal of Itidal's dancing section from the welcome ceremony was officially announced, in order to prevent the reappearance of any tension between the visiting President and his wife, and was replaced by a modest folklore dancing section and a song performed by the President's Children Chorus; a group that has become to the entertainment business as the President's personal bodyguards are to the rest of the army. Whenever the visiting President would leave the ceremony to go to the toilet, the President would remind him jokingly how he warned him, during dinner, about the country's national delicacy; the Felafel, that the visiting President immediately ordered the moment he sat at the dinner table. Dr.Fareed did not abide by the rules of honest translation when the President said : " You asked for it. I told you that your stomach is not up for it". Instead, he translated it into a much gentler phrase: "The President wants to know if you would like us to behead the Felafel guy". The visiting President laughed as he walked to the toilet accompanied by his bodyguards and Dr.Fareed who insisted on having the privilege. Nobody could have expected that the three times in which the visiting President went to the toliet, each lasting for about seven to ten minutes, had nothing to do with the Felafel but with Itidal who performed for him, on the specially-prepared toilet floor, while he insisted on thrusting his head between her breasts that the days have helped increase in length, width and depth. Similarly, nobody expected that it was this diabolical idea of Dr.Fareed's that was enough to make him deserve the finest of the major country's medals a few months later. On the second and final day of the visit, and during the farewell press conference, Dr.Fareed's adversaries nearly danced with joy when they saw the President's son ignore Dr.Fareed's hand when he went to greet him. It was obvious that Dr.Fareed was living the last of his happy days and that tomorrow the country will witness the departure of both the visiting President's airplane from the country's airport and Dr.Fareed's name from the country's political scene. They looked at Fareed, without the Doctor now, with despise as he was trying to describe the scene as a joke from the President's son and they were surprised at his ability to control his fear and horror from an event that would have led anyone else to immediately pee in his pants and grovel at the President's son's feet asking for forgiveness. Nobody thought that Dr.Fareed's laughter was not fake but actually emerging from the bottom of his heart. If they knew, it would have been they who would grovel at Dr.Fareed's feet asking for forgiveness for all the times they spent mocking him. In the middle of the visiting President's speech came the surprise that not even President Senior saw coming. Everyone expected that the visiting President would commence his speech by praising the country's President for his wise leadership of the enormous reformation plans and everyone expected that he will praise the state of democracy in the country that has become a model to be followed in the entire region but nobody expected that the visiting President's speech would explode into a tirade of criticism on the opposition's newspapers that refuse to accept the presence of the President's son in the political arena claiming that his father is preparing him for succession. Silence prevailed as the audience saw the visiting President reveal, from within the stack of papers he had in front of him, a big golden folder which he waved in front of everyone saying : " My dear friend Dr.Fareed has sent me a folder containing the achievements that your Excellency's son has helped in accomplishment which are achievements that do not only concern reforms within the ruling Party or important theoretical and strategic discussions but extend to field visits to several parts of the country. I was very touched by the warm welcome he had received from the simple citizens of this country. I have read a summary of the ideas that your Excellency's son has suggested, gratefully translated by my friend Dr.Fareed of course, and I clearly see that you, your Excellency, are the main source of inspiration for your son and I would like to make it clear how I am proud of him and at the same time astonished how he is sometimes underestimated. I myself have not been blessed by the gift of having a son of my own but I assure you that if I had a son like your Excellency's, I would not spare moment till I see him comfortably seated on my country's throne". Nobody had not yet awoken from the intensity of the blow when Dr.Fareed, the only sober person in the audience now, suddenly stood up applauding loudly and, with eyes full of love and affection, stared at the President's son who could not yet conceive what he had just heard and was thinking about the embarrassing situation he might be put in if the visiting President asked him to elaborate on any of those ideas that that phony Fareed wrote. When the entire hall was loud with applaud witnessing country's President wipe a tear off his cheeks, crossing the chairs to hug and kiss his son and presenting him to the visiting President to do the same, President Junior's mind was busy in self-reprimand when he saw tears of joy flow from Dr.Fareed's eyes who was crying like a mother on her only son's graduation day. President Junior, that nickname will no longer be made fun of now that he has received this unprecedented international certificate of approval, could not believe how he did not see the amount of love that Dr.Fareed secretly had for him and how enormous his loss would have been if he had listened to the advice of those ungrateful enemies of Dr.Fareed. The visiting President was busy trying to devise a method by which he can take Itidal back to his country without the knowledge of his wife. The President was waiting for the end of the ceremony to pat Dr.Fareed on the back with his usual "You son of a...How did you do it ?". The only person in the crowd who was not thinking about the tremendous event that had just occurred was Dr.Fareed himself, not only because he had previously envisioned everything in his imagination but because he was busy thinking about what he had to prepare for the next golden folder.

The End

Arab Rulers...The Likes Of This Bloke !!

No, this is not a visual trick of some sort. This is King Abdullah of Jordan dressed in the famous Star Trek uniform !! Egyptian Blogger, Wael Abbas, posted this video exerpt of the popular American show Star Trek-Voyager (episode 35: Investigations - 1995 to be exact) . It shows King Abdullah, probably not king by then, playing a silent role as one of the crew members. Impressive !! King Abdullah, a member in an American serial. But on second thought, aren't all the Arab rulers ?!

The Visiting President !! (Part 3)

Minutes later the opposition leader was completely forgotten when Dr.Fareed presented a golden folder to the major country's delegate as a simple gift from his country apologising for the inconvenience caused by the opposition leaders demonic ideas; a gift which filled the eyes of the visiting President and his wife with tears in a time in which several close acquaintances to the visiting President swore that nothing brought them closer as this gift did. "You son of a ...." said the President to Dr.Fareed when he flipped through the pages of the folder before sending it to the major country's delegate. The golden folder was more than just a folder. It was actually a personal diary that was filled with many sweet memories. Pictures of the villa where the visiting President and his wife lived when he was an ambassador, his favourite yacht that he used to rent for his romantic Nile cruises with his wife, his favourite historic mosque, the church that he repeatedly visited in the country's finest Christian quarter, even his personal Egyptian chef. Everything that was related to the three years in which the visiting President spent in the country was present inside that folder that Dr.Fareed prepared with the help of a special handpicked team. "Make me a folder like that Fareed. My wife will be very pleased". The President, who did not possess the ability of being easily surprised, was fascinated, to the extent that he could not use his lovable insults, when Dr.Fareed stood up, gave a theatrical bow and presented to him another golden folder with pictures of the President and his wife who spent several nights after that in reminiscence, with the children, about when and where each and every picture was taken. Dr.Fareed skyrocketed. Nobody could stop his ascent. His colleagues were not able to catch up with his diabolical mind. They began to curse the day in which the visiting President decided to visit the country for if it had not been for that day, Dr.Fareed might not have reached his current status. The Ministers' secretaries spent some rough time thanks to "that damned Dr.Fareed". Each Minister gathered his subordinates and showered them with insults; the likes of "you useless, mindless blokes !! What good ever comes out of you or out of the loads of money spent on you if you can not do anything right, you mother....?!" Even the editors of the state-owned newspapers fell in a dilemma. Their traditional methods of kissing the President's butt have become obsolete compared to the waves of hypocritical creativity that Dr.Fareed help spread across Egypt. The Editor-In-Chief of the second largest state-owned newspaper held an article-writing competition between young columnists to find the best creative idea to be published in light if the Presidential visit. The competition led to a disaster when the newspaper published a two-page article on " the ideas that the visiting President learnt from the wisdom of our President during the years he spent as an ambassador while our President, may God Make him live longer so that we may prosper during his reign, was still in his early ruling years." The young columnist spent a week in research to prove that all of the political, social and economic advances that occurred in the major country were inspired by the thoughts, speeches and strategies of "our great President" and ended his lengthy article by a quote from the visiting President in which he describes how the world needs "our President, may God Protect him". The columnist did not finish his first day in the all expenses paid vacation at the coastal resort. The newspaper's Board summoned him immediately and gave him the sack because his damned article led to a crisis between both countries that nearly led the visiting President to cancel his visit especially after another newspaper questioned, on its first page, whether the aim behind the President's visit was to thank the real President who was ruling the major country.

A day after that, the same newspaper mentioned that a strong rumour is circulating that the visiting President decided to cancel the visit and that he refused to talk with his counterpart who offered to permanently close the newspaper as a sign of his utter refusal of every word that was published. Only Dr.Fareed could save the day.

The next day, every newspaper published an interview done by a journalist from the major country who was one of Dr.Fareed's colleagues during his scholarship and whom Dr.Fareed summoned immediately by a private plane. There was a folder waiting for him when he arrived that contained questions concerning the special relationship that bounded between the two friend Presidents and how the major country's President was the source of inspiration behind many of the decisions that were taken in the country and he provided the support in the reform plans that the country had witnessed in the past years. Of course the folder did not only contain questions. It also contained the answers that Dr.Fareed spent several nights preparing with the researchers of the only Strategic Studies Centre in the country. Once again, thanks to Dr.Fareed, things went smoothly.

Dr.Fareed's enemies had no other way to stop his ascent but to take a decisive action, as their previous choice of waiting till the visit ends has become useless. They might find him Prime Minister or leading a military coup by the time the visit ended. Therefore, they had to screw him and screw him now. He did not leave a flaw behind him except for the fact that he always sought the pleasure of the President and ignored the forthcoming successor who was the one who first put him on his current track.

They, therefore, decided to leave Dr.Fareed drowning in his euphoria, from the President's constant pleasure and from those phone calls that he would end in the military style "Yes, sir", and spent their filling the mind of President Junior, as the citizens called him, with hatred and despise against Dr.Fareed who did not bother to thank the real caregiver who it if were not for him, he would have remained a nobody. And into a nobody, he must return.

To Be Continued...

The "Unfortunate" Joke...

After the invasion of Iraq, the American President decided to celebrate by inviting the Presidents of the world to a football match on the banks of the Iraqi river, the Furat. During the match, the ball fell into the river. The American President ordered an American soldier to bring the ball but the soldier refused. "The river is full of crocodiles and I want to return to my wife and children in one piece". The British Prime Minister ordered a British soldier to bring the ball but the soldier refused. "The river is full of crocodiles and I want to return to my wife and children in one piece". The Egyptian President ordered an Egyptian soldier to bring the ball. The soldier immediately jumped into the river and after wrestling the crocodiles and recieving an arm injury, he emerged from the river with the ball. The news reporters who were present at the scene raced each other to interview the fearless soldier and when he was asked about the secret behind his courageous act, he replied: "I want to return to my wife and children in one piece!!".

No Difference Between Them

Written By : Magdy El-Gallad Translated From Arabic By: Doctor Deen

The author is the editor-in-chief of the Egyptian daily newspaper Al-Masry Al-Youm

I never did Like Saddam Hussein nor did I like Iraq during his reign or after the fall of his regime but I have come to hate the United States even more. Not because of the fact that it deliberately humiliated and insulted us, for the umpteenth time, in our most sacred festivals, not because of the fact that it treated an ex-President of an Arab country with such obnoxiousness that made him appear in front of the world as a "sheep" being led to the "slaughterhouse" but because it sent a very clear message to us, Muslims and Arabs, : " We despise you for you are a nation of cattle."

The message was signed by George W. Bush, the rightist extremist, who revealed the truth, willingly or unwillingly, after 9/11 when he clearly announced that is a "Crusade" . And although he and his henchmen repeatedly tried to dilute its repercussions yet what happened Saturday morning proved that it is indeed a Crusade or else what can justify the choice of the timing of the execution on the first day of Eid-ul-Adha [Muslim Festival of Sacrifice] ?

The Americans did not spoil our festival for our lives have run out of festivals. We celebrate in order not to forget that we are Muslims. But the days of "joy and happiness" have disappeared from the houses and streets. How can we be joyful and happy while we live a sour reality created by our rulers for decades with the help of the obscure silence of the crippled Arab citizens?

I never did like Saddam Hussein for he was a tyrant and a dictator yet I wished that he would receive a fair trial in a free country and not under the dictations of the American invasion. I never did like the Arab rulers because they are all similar in essence yet differ in the mode and method. I will neither be sorrowed nor angered if anyone of them is put on trial in the courts of his people for questioning because if a free independent country judges its ruler, it will never perform it in the comic and hilarious way as was done with Saddam and will never hang him during a festival but might even give him a pardon or a short vacation to visit his family because Islam is the religion of peace and tolerance.

In my opinion, the current debate between the Arabs about Saddam deserving the death penalty or not is not the point. It is more serious than that. If the man has led Iraq to a bloody and mysterious destiny, then there are rulers in the region who have committed sins and crimes and have not been held accountable for. If someone says that the Iraqis did not choose their "hanged" President and that they suffered for many years from his oppression and his reign then allow me to say : "And who did choose his ruler with free will?! Which Arab ruler led his country to democracy, collective participation in ruling and stability?". It is the same version of Saddam but with many faces; the same production line for producing Arab kings and rulers.

Do not curse Saddam for he is a legitimate son of a corrupt Arab system and do not show sympathy for him for he has oppressed, killed and destroyed. Just think about the mysterious future and do not believe the dialogue-of-civilisations-mirage because the Americans, and in front of them and behind them the Israelis, repeat it day and night, over and over again: "You are a nation of cattle and you deserve your rulers." And Saddam Hussein was nothing but an old ally and an obedient member of Washington's men who in a moment of political stupidity tried to revolt and was doomed to be sacrificed on Eid-ul-Adha [the Festival of Sacrifice] and that itself is another message to Washington's other men in the region!