The Visiting President !! (Part 2)

The next situation that Dr.Fareed met was not as juicy as the previous one; it was a real problem but Dr.Fareed was , as usual, creative and ingenious. Out of the blue, the visiting President asked Dr.Fareed to add to the itinerary a visit to the leader of the country's main opposition party who was sentenced to two years in prison after being found guilty of attempting to murder a poor citizen by his fancy car even though the opposition newspapers discovered that the poor citizen was nothing but a police informant but who said that police informants do not have the right to safely cross the road. Dr.Fareed did not react aggressively when he heard the request from the Head of the visiting President's delegate. He neither stuttered nor hesitated for a while in search for an appropriate reply. He rather laughed out loud then accepted the request swearing by his honour that he himself was about to propose the idea to the visiting President, in order to personally disprove to him the lies that are spread by the reports of the international human rights organisations that claim that the opposition leader was unjustly imprisoned and is maltreated in jail, but he feared that the suggestion would be misunderstood so he spurned the idea but now that he has discovered that his way of thinking resembles that of "our friends in the major country" , he is full of joy. Dr.Fareed's subordinates looked at him in utter amazement without understanding what would force him to say such words while he knows very well that the opposition leader may be having his backed whipped this very instant. The moment the meeting was over they asked him and he replied by a stern sentence (actually most of his sentences have become stern ever since that last phone call from the President) :"Prepare a meeting with the Minister of Internal Affairs and tell him to call the Head of the Prisons Authority." The next day, the country's citizens did not understand why the state-owned newspapers published, on their first pages, the news about an expected visit by the visiting President to the opposition leader in his jail. The second paragraph contained a quotation by Dr.Fareed in which he said that this visit was "our beloved President's idea because our country has nothing to hide". For a whole week, the nation wondered about this sudden democratic quantum leap and how it may be related to the ferocious international campaign calling for more democratic reform. Some even went to the extent of questioning the honesty of the the opposition newspapers that described the brutality by the which the opposition leader was being treated in prison. Those surrounding Dr.Fareed wondered about those repeated phone calls he got on his mobile phone that would make him both stand up with fear and respect and end his sentences with "Yes, sir". His close acquaintances claimed that these calls came from the President himself but everyone knew that " Yes, sir" was Dr.Fareed's way of addressing any of his superiors; and until this moment, they were numerous. A week later, it was clearly evident to all that the "honesty fits" that had struck the government were nothing but a part of Dr.Fareed's demonic plan that elevated him to become the ruling party's man-of-the-hour. The local TV stations interrupted their daily programmes to broadcast this breaking news. " The national security forces have succeeded in foiling a terrorist plot devised by the opposition leader, in his prison, to assassinate the guest President who was supposed to visit him there. The plot was prepared with the help of a number of criminal and political prisoners. The security forces were able to confiscate large numbers of heavy artillery that were smuggled into the prison". Detailed confessions from several detainees were published, the next day, in the newspapers and were broadcast by several satellite channels accompanied by pictures of the opposition leader with the prisoners in many locations inside the prison. Nobody cared about what the opposition newspapers published about this being a complete fabrication and that a deal was made with the prisoners whose life sentences were all decreased to ten years in return for their strict compliance to the plan; a plan that amazed the President when he heard it from Dr.Fareed in the presence of the Minister of Internal Affairs, who refused it when it was initially presented to him and forced Dr.Fareed to take the matter to the highest of levels. The highest of levels told Dr.Fareed, after he finished his presentation: "You son of a...How does that little mind of yours work?! If all of you losers thought the way he did, you would have helped me get rid of those Islamist groups once and for all." Even though the Minister of Internal Affairs was laughing as if he was being praised, and not scorned, yet Dr.Fareed did not miss out on the chance of praising the national security forces for its heroic actions that have always helped stabilise the Egyptian political system; a speech that was cut short by the President by saying: " What? Are you afraid that they might cause you any harm? Don't worry. You are now a part of my personal elite." That was a major event by all means. The last time the President told anyone that he was "part of my personal elite" was to the current Head of Parliament who, during his position as a member in the Legislative Committee fifteen years ago, tailored a law that prohibited any discussion concerning the Presidential budget describing it as " strictly confidential" . Therefore, Dr.Fareed did not need to postpone his celebrations till he sees how the President will make him part of his elite. All that matters now is that he has officially become a member and all he has to do is celebrate and wait. Not only did the major country's security forces cancel the meeting with the opposition leader but it advised its embassy to cut all connections with the opposition parties that have not yet got rid of their previous experiences with underground work. Dr.Fareed received the request for the cancellation with deep sorrow and he made it clear to the major country's delegate that his country is able to secure the visiting President anywhere and he hopes that the cancellation is not related to any security fears because "his excellency will see for himself how the country that welcomed him as an ambassador will honour him as a visiting President".

To Be Continued...

The Visiting President !! (Part 1)

Written By : Belal Fadl Scribblings By : Amro Selim Translated From Arabic By : Doctor Deen Dedicated to Belal Fadl's newborn daughter... Ishq "You are one lucky man, Dr.Fareed, your mother's prayers must have been accepted !! " This was what he was told by his colleagues in the Cabinet after a Presidential decree was issued that anointed him as Head of the delegate that will accompany the President of the major country who suddenly decided to visit the country. Dr.Fareed nodded his head, smiling, as he recalled that envious sentence although he knew quite well that the last thing he heard from his mother were curses, and not prayers, after she saw her husband die out of grief because his Minister son yelled at him and told him not to keep jumping on him at the Ministry every now and then with a new request. Dr.Fareed shook that dreaded memory off his mind and decided not to ruin this fine morning. He thanked God for being gifted with a perfect knowledge of the visiting President's language that he had learnt during the years he spent in the major country studying the finest it gave to humanity, Civil Law, before returning to his country to contribute in the lowest it gave to humanity, the Emergency Law. Ever since he returned to teaching at the Faculty, he did not waste a moment. His first achievement was a project for a new law he published in the country's most popular newspaper. He called it the Respect-of-the-Country Law and it was for its sake that he sought to introduce himself to the newspaper's Editor-in-chief's daughter whom he knew was a student at the Faculty. She never did go the Faculty actually. It was the professors who went to her at0 her daddy's mansion. He asked a friend to introduce him to her and it was through her that he reached the Editor who was impressed with the idea of the project which the country did need after the ferocious waves of disapproval that were aiming at the President; a law that penalised anyone who would criticise the President or his associates. The project was published on many pages. It was immediately aborted after it provoked storms of controversy which were enough to attract the attention of the major country to its danger and to warn the country's President who issued a secret decree to bury the project alive. Dr.Fareed knew the fate of his project beforehand. He was neither outraged when he received the news about the project's termination nor was he annoyed from the numerous whiplash articles that emerged. He would read these articles with a smile. " The bait has been taken", he would tell his wife who was busy at that time trying to find a membership in a Rotary Club. He collected the articles that were written against him and he sent numerous copies to offices of the local authorities accompanied with a bitter complaint from the decline of the level of dialogue to a demeaning extent. The bait had really been taken. A close friend of the President's son called Dr.Fareed, one happy evening, and asked if he could join them in a closed meeting with many of the well-known patriotic minds of the country to discuss how to improve the efficacy of work inside the country's ruling party that the President left to his son ever since he told him one day : "Daddy I'm bored. Find me something to do". It was love at first sight between the President's son and Dr.Fareed; a love that was ignited by those notes, speeches and research papers that Dr.Fareed would write and present to the President's son to read out publicly in meetings as if they were his own; a love that reached its climax by a personal request from the son to Dr.Fareed that he "be with us in the next Cabinet". His new position was insignificant. Or that was what he thought about it the moment he received the news that he was anointed Minister of Human Rights; that newly devised ministry the newspapers called for for ages in order to be the only country that owns such a thing as a Ministry of Human Rights. He did not bother about what that satirical writer wrote in his daily column about changing the Ministry's name to "Animal's Rights" because the government treats the citizens as animals. He was only worried about this burden that was thrown on his back. What on Earth can one make out of the Ministry of Human Rights but one's salary, new car and bodyguards? He knew that he had not yet reached that elite status in order to be given the Ministry of Petroleum or Housing but at least he could have been given a service-providing Ministry as Electricity or Sewage Disposal. At least he would have secured a decent future for his children. Yet, he did not surrender to depression. He gave orders to add a hundred pound fee to be paid on every complaint presented to the Ministry. Dr.Fareed's assistant began to calculate for him his personal share of the loot from the complaints that flooded the Ministry after a wide campaign that covered the country announcing the dawn of a new era in human rights. And things went smoothly, not as smooth as his colleagues, but at least it was better than nothing. Dr.Fareed arose from his long daydream in front of the mirror while getting dressed. He was delighted from the flashback that helped him recall his rapid ascent. He fell an exciting numbness in his limbs; a numbness that he hadn't felt ever since his weekly visits to the major country's prostitutes who made him feel young again. But whoever said that Dr.Fareed's dreams have been fulfilled. He should not let the euphoria overtake him. The path is still very long and he is now at a crucial moment as it could take him from simply being one of the President's son's friends to a member in the octogenarian President's elite whom everyone fears his anger fits that usually fall on his son's head. "When I die and you inherit me then you can go around insulting my men...Mr.Successor." That was how the President chose to shout at his son during a closed meeting with the Party's leaders when he deliberately criticised his father's men considering them "the biggest obstacle on the path of our Party towards reform". Dr.Fareed must reach his goal slowly and in an unnoticeable way in order not to find himself being paid an unexpected visit by the Death Angel. The visit did not go as smoothly as Dr.Fareed wished. It was rather packed with dilemmas; the first of which was a one-of-a-kind. Nobody was able to solve it but Dr.Fareed came up with a solution that would remain the main conversational subject in all political rallies across the country. The assistants of the visiting President surprisingly asked Dr.Fareed and his men to prepare, during the tour, an oriental belly-dancing session to be performed by the one and only Itidal; the country's number one belly-dancer for the past thirty years whom the visiting President adored ever since he was an ambassador twenty years ago. The request shocked those who heard it not only because they could not dare to mention that Itidal had retired from belly-dancing once and for all but also because of the fact that she has worn the Islamic veil, denounced her "demeaning past" and has her own TV show on an Islamic TV channel. Dr.Fareed tried to suggest younger and much-fuller alternatives to Itidal , with the use of pictures and diagrams, but the President's men refused. The request had nothing to do with a passion for bouncing belly buttons but was related to the nostalgia that the President was in at the verge of his political career after the two terms he ruled in which the country. It was only during lunch, when things got a little friendly, when the visiting President's men told Dr.Fareed how their President fell in love with Itidal the first moment he set his eyes on her and how she became the woman of his dreams ever since she put his head between her breasts in an attempt to deepen the relationships between both countries. It was the beginning of a belly-dancing mania that overwhelmed the President and kept growing throughout the years to the extent that the First Lady literally abandoned him after she was sick and tired from the tabloids that wrote about her husband's obsession with stout, oriental belly-dancers. And so, Dr.Fareed found himself forced to personally sit with Itidal and negotiate with her after she refused to meet anyone who would dare mention the visiting President's request in her presence. Nobody ever expected that Dr.Fareed would be smart enough to go to her armed with a fatwa from the country's Grand Imam that explained how necessities justify the prohibited and that a one-night's dancing with the intention of bringing benefit to the country will most certainly be rewarded by God. Yet, nobody ever expected, again, that she would tear the fatwa and throw it at the face of the person who read it expressing utter sorrow for a country in which its Grand Imam was superior to her in dancing at the pleasure of its rulers. They were astonished when they saw her shamefully shake her still shapely body in an attempt to imitate, what she thought, was the manner in which the Grand Imam danced. The smile never left Dr.Fareed's face as he watched the repulsive act but he surprised everyone when he called the Minister of Finance, put him on speakerphone and asked him to re-open Itidal's tax files to check, just check, if she had paid society's share from the millions that she had made throughout her thirty years of dancing especially that she was able to obtain a fatwa allowing her to keep her money with purifying it by a few simple acts of charity here and there. Minutes later, Dr.Fareed, with a victorious smile on his face, left Itidal discussing with her fashion designer the criteria of chastity that have to be fulfilled in her new dress that she will wear for the visiting President and how she believed that seduction was never by body exposure. Those who believed what happened that day never believed that Dr.Fareed would deserve, for his achievement, a cordial phone call from the President, who, according to a rumour, followed the negotiations by means of a hidden camera. " We want your skills with the IMF ...or are you just good with belly dancers ?" For days, Dr.Fareed repeated the last sentence to his wife and friends as a sign of the President's satisfaction because everybody knew that when the President insults someone like that, with that lovable way of his, then that someone has secured himself a place in the President's heart. To Be Continued...

Apologising To Denmark !!

Written by :

Belal Fadl

Translated from Arabic by:

Doctor Deen This article was written during the first Danish cartoon crisis. Both writer and translator are Egyptian Muslims. I was asked by my enthusiastic friend to join him in an online campaign, set up by several websites, to send e-mails to the Danish community expressing disapproval and resent on the sympathy or silence showed by some of its factions towards the caricatures that made fun of the Prophet Muhammad (Peace And Blessings Be Upon Him). I thanked my friend for his enthusiasm in defending in the Prophet, an enthusiasm I know stems from a solemn faith and an honest zeal, but after a few moments of thinking I asked him: "Suppose that a Danish citizen responded to one of your e-mails and wrote to you asking: ' If you Muslims greatly respect your prophet and if he is , as you claim, a man of such honour and importance and if his teachings, fourteen centuries ago, contain drastic solutions to all of your problems, then why are your communities stuffed with corruption, injustice, ignorance and disease? Why are we better than you in everything while we never claim that we follow the teachings of Prophet Jesus or the Holy Bible? ' How will you reply to such questions?!! " My friend was silenced by confusion. He then gave me a stare as if he had seen Abdullah ibn Saba' (a famous hypocrite who lived at the time of the Prophet Muhammad) and walked away accusing me of sophistry, arousing doubts, passivity and other claims that I did not comprehend because I was searching for answers to my Danish questions that I wish that you , the reader, might help in finding as these are inevitable questions that we will definitely hear especially after the sounds of anger and rage have quietened and the sounds calling for a dialogue are coming form numerous directions after the battleground has been entered by many countries whom we ,unfortunately, fear to stand against. Maybe because if we simply boycott the American, Italian, French, German, Dutch and British products we will walk hungry and naked in the streets. And just as a reminder by the way, I would proudly support the calls for a boycott if they had emerged from a civilised perspective, as that of Gandhi's, that will make us self-dependant in everything from the food we eat to the clothes we wear. But i am not ready to participate in a deceptive campaign of hypocrisy where people are called onto boycott via mobile phones, personal computers and television screens; all of which we did not contribute in by a single screw or microchip. I believe that this stream of thoughts has given you the opportunity to look for an answer to the supposed Danish question which if you are suddenly faced with will find noting but the impulsive reply : " We have reached this level of fragility, humiliation and disrespect because we ( and I have said it before and I will repeat it again and again) claim that we love the Prophet but it is a superficial love; a love that has never been manifested on our actions and manners. He asked us to learn but we have become ignorant. He told us to make achieving wisdom our utmost goal but we lost it. He told us to have mercy on one another but we damned one another and we divided ourselves into struggling sects; each hiding behind a saying attributed to the Prophet. He prevented us from injustice but we made it our mode of life. He ordered us to respect the elderly so we worshiped them. He ordered us to accept our daughters suitors by their good manners and piety but we did not accept them unless they were wealthy and famous even of they were ill-mannered and deviant. He denied Faith from the hearts of those who sleep satisfied while knowing that their neighbours are hungry, so we never asked about them. Millions are spent underneath belly-dancers, on gambling tables and in securing presidential processions while others choose to kill themselves than to face the demanding eyes of their children. The renown amongst us steals and he is left unharmed while when the needy steals, his pictures are published in the everywhere and he is insulted and hurt. We punish only those who rally against the ruler and call for making him accountable for his actions. We glorify ourselves amongst ourselves while we are midgets In the eyes of the world. We have become a burden on this planet and an experimental field for its superpowers. We have humiliated ourselves so others have humiliated us. we set plans for this Life and we forget the Hereafter. Our utmost hope is that the day passes with the least of losses and our greatest wish is that God protects us form the injustice of our rulers who have reached their near-divine position by imams who memorise the Prophetic traditions by heart; hiding what they want and revealing what their rulers prefer. The Prophet described them "as reading the Quran but does not pass their throats (to reach their hearts), they pass through religion as an emerging from an archer's (bow) ' " The Danish citizen will listen to all of this with a cold Scandinavian interest and follow it with the question : "Then why don't you follow your Prophet's teachings then be angry for him?" It is there that, if you have a morsel of conscience, your only reaction will be a solemn apology to him, to all of Denmark, to all of Europe and to mankind as a whole because we asked them to respect a Prophet whom we never sought to inform the world about, whom our rage-provoking riot0incting governments did not spend a penny in spreading his message, kindness, just and mercy while spending millions over hypocritical operas that seek to glorify our minuscule rulers and leaders.

We have to apologise to the danish citizens because we treated them by the faults of a mere minority of them to the extent that our newspapers published, a few days ago, that 43 Danish passengers refused to leave the airport until they were heavily secured while we were supposed to follow our Prophet's tradition and welcome our guests to show them that Islam does not know collective guilt and that even if an ignorant person insulted our Prophet, that will neither harm nor affect his high status. If this insult would have happened at the time of the Prophet, he would have responded to it in the same manner he responded to the Bedouin who entered the mosque and urinated in it in the presence of the Prophet and his followers who before attacking the man where stopped by the Prophet himself who said : " Do not interrupt your brother's urination". The Prophet then went to the man and gently explained to him that this is a place of worship and he ordered for some water to be poured over the place. Such a civilised and humane response is the best example that teaches us hoe to react towards ignorance, insult and blasphemy and it is an example that is mentioned in the Quran : " Let not those grieve thee who rush headlong into Unbelief, not the least harm will they do to Allah..." Chapter 3 Verse 176 Shall we be brave enough to send this apology thus earning the respect of the world and to shift their attention towards our noble religion and noble Prophet? Shall we stand honestly in front of ourselves and feel ashamed of our rage in defending a Prophet whom we never sought to learn from and refuse that his name be used by by a corrupt ruler or a hypocrite or a bank thief or a biased imam? Shall we? I doubt but yet I wish that we do. I wish that we are up to the standard put by Chapter 5 Verse 67 : "O Apostle! proclaim the (Message) which hath been sent to thee from thy Lord. If thou didst not, thou wouldst not have fulfilled and proclaimed His Mission. And Allah will defend thee from men (who mean mischief). " I bare witness that the Prophet Muhammad ( Peace And Blessings Be Upon Him ) has informed the Message and proclaimed God's Mission...but have we??